anyhow, so i close my eyes and the color i see is YELLOW. Later, i came to know that yellow means happy and pleasant state of mind. But that day, actually i was stressed because of a set of meeting that are going to follow over the next few days. That made me think, am I really stressed? or have I really seen yellow color?
And a train of thoughts followed.. what is it that i'm thinking? what is it that i really want? what is it that i really want to do? how do i want to lead a life? I took on everything with an ounce of suspicion and none could really stand such scrutiny.
Infact, wat is it that one really wants? Say, whatever.. what do you mean by really want? Do you mean that one cannot exist without it? I dont believe in that.. thats not possible.. Life is so robust to such discomforts. We think that this is one person, one career ambition, one goal, without who/which, we cannot live.. but then we live on. Life is too insensitve.
How I wonder sometimes, that I wish I were to be as matured as I'm now, a few years ago.. how I find some incidents embarassing in the past.. how I wish I were to know the future before making such a decision.. but all those are just thoughts.. and i'm sure i'll be thinking the same for every year to come.. they never happen, time says, you are never really right.. nor your definition of right is really right.. you never know, no one knows.. that is life.
So how do I rate myself ? As far as I can see, I'm an unstable, emotional, often changing, self-centered, egotistic, mediocre who falls in the vast set of 'normal' people of the same qualities. Just another living being.
This reminds me of something I once wrote, led by the same train of thought. And my conclusion was the same. Yes, life is far too insensitive.
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to this. Sometimes in our life we let certain things occupy the lion's share of our thoughts. And when the bubble bursts, we feel SO put out that we think life cannot go on.
I too thought so. And life DID move on for me, as it does to all of us. And hence, your argument.
And despite all the self glorification, feeling of moral superiority and whatever else, at the end of the day, all of us are the same at the core... self centered, egotistic, emotional, volatile, mediocre individuals.
Anyone who contradicts this would be a fucking hypocrite who thinks he's selfless. There is no such thing as selflessness and saintliness in this society. Its a man-eat-man world and everyone knows it.
And well,those who don't, get fucked.
:) well said, NANo.. u r me with less testosterone i suppose :D
ReplyDeleteHave you read this book called "the Secret" by a woman called Rhonda Byrne? This book has been credited for transforming the lives of our dear Bollywood celebrities whose names I can't recall. Anyway according to that book, we are like a magnet who attract things towards us, so positive thoughts attract positive things, negative thoughts attract negative things (a theory annoyingly familiar to you, i suppose ;)
ReplyDeleteBut Im telling you if that was true so many horrible things must be happening to me and I tried to "attract" postitivity and failed.
The reason why I thought of this book is because when you wish for something and you get a different thing, it feels real pathetic. But life moves on and so do you. I don't know the source but here's the quote
"When Life gives Lemons, You make Lemonade!"
hmm i closed my eyes... i saw so many colors... guess it means frustration and confusion... thats my state as of now...
ReplyDelete