The typical Indian Male

What if an alien were to closely observe Indian male and send a report back home?

Identification: These people are a subset of biped human male… usually, these species can be identified by the three convex surfaces they are made up of… namely, a protruding belly, a protruding pair of buttocks and a naked baldhead.

Characteristics: These people are never happy by nature; they always wear a serious look on their face. They never smile at people even if they see them on a daily basis unless (a) they are expecting some favor, or (b) they are so powerful that these hope that they will grant them a favor in future.

Everyone who did a school level course in physics understands what an ‘equilibrium state’ is… essentially it’s a state of rest a certain body goes to and stays there as long it is left undisturbed. Such a state for these people is ‘gloom’ or ‘seriousness’. Unless otherwise posed with situations that make them sufficiently happy, they gravitate back to their equilibrium state of being resentful or serious. No one knows why that is.

They find the word ‘thanks’ as precious as a radiologist would find a chunk of enriched uranium. And the word ‘sorry’… forget it. You’re not going to get it from them unless you have a gun pointing at their head and u go Godfather style, saying either their brains or the word ‘sorry’ will be coming out of them.

They take a special interest in people with ‘fair’ skin. They are attracted to them. They are served with utmost devotion and attention… perhaps; it’s the same attribute that led to British ruling India for a couple of centuries.

They never accept that they do not know something. They know everything. They would interrupt you when you’re saying something… saying that they know it. They don’t even care to verify whether it’s the same thing as they are thinking it is. Besides, its blasphemous to utter the words ‘I don’t know’… they find it as disgusting as the body odor of a coal miner after a day’s shift.

They stay in a state of ‘rush’ all the day. Actually, for these people, ‘rush’ is ‘normal’. They rush to office in the morning, breaking all possible traffic rules and let alone any hint of road sense. Then they rush to pantry to get their coffee, without any heed towards people who were already there. Then they rush to lunch and rush through it, and then they rush back home through the traffic again. They just don’t understand the word ‘waiting’ or ‘queue’. It’s not their style of doing things. More interestingly, they tow their luggage to the compartment door in a train, before the train reaches the station. If the train has a 2 second halt, it might make sense… no, they do this even when that particular station is the terminus for the train.

Some of them are cultured and well-mannered only so long as they are being watched by people whose opinion they think matters to them. The same fella, who carefully folds a food wrapper and drops in the dustbin in presence of his colleagues, throws it away right on the road or pavement when walking alone J

For most men, all kids are not lovely kids. The kids of well-to-do parents are treated differently than those of poor parents. Now its common worldwide that a rich guy is treated better than a poor guy… but the treatment I’m talking about is not at that levels. This is the general ‘sweet talk’ stuff with the kids. Even that, is biased based on the monetary grounds of their parents. A kid of poor parents is frowned upon for the same innocent gestures that the rich kid was praised about. And a little mention about Indian Women as the need arises now… They talk about everything, everywhere. Trains, buses, parks, gyms, any place you name… They meet people on train and irrespective of the intimacy they share, with no guarantees of future relationship… they share stuff about everything, their kids, whereabouts, what do they do.. and if the train journey is more than 5-6hours, they would even learn about the other’s health, diabetes, periods, irregular periods, menopause, family planning operations etc. and all of this in the public place, in a voice of an audible range that pierces the ear drums of people a few meters away, and force them to listen even if they are stone deaf. And especially about the kids, why in the hell, should the co-passenger be interested in the flavor of Cerelac this lady’s baby likes?

*transcript ends here… updates soon… *

PS:- In case if you were to find this offending, please talk to that alien.. oh by the way, this is a transcript to be sent home... you shouldnt be reading it anyway. Also, this is about the 'typical' Indian male... You are not that..you sir, are special and unique. :P